For the past 6 months...

Hello, lots of stuff has happened for the past few months, and when I say few months, I meant half year... Sorry for not jotting things down for that time which cause me now some difficulties to recall what has happened during the time...

#1 Well, I had my exam on May and I was sort of afraid that I may screwed my Public Law... I was actually a bit angry of myself for not opening up my mind on the subject and try to cope and understand it... The day before I took my Public, when I was studying in my room, it seemed not that bad from what I thought it been... If only I had noticed this prior to that... Despite of the consequence of my mental-blocked mind, I didn't use my time wisely in the exam which made me only available to finish 3 out of 4 question... Well, I did manage to finish all 4 questions if you consider 1 sheet of paper for the last 2 questions amounts to completion... I'm very dissapointed of myself... The worst is that the question weren't even hard and I strongly believe that if I studied, I WILL score... As expected, lazy me~

Not only that, my Contract paper was the last paper and I had 6 days to study it but I wasted the first 2 days, to play... Can you believe it? If I failed my Contract, it was all because of my own doings. Once I finished my papers, I prayed to God... Up until now, I kept praying to him... Asking him to give me a result that I want, I've studied, I really did... I did't surf the net prior to my exam... I stayed up night... I guess it was my most prepared exam... Alright, I put too much time in my Criminal and I can see that God treat me well and I wouldn't be surprised if I scored well... But I too put in a lot of effort in my CLR and Public Law... I made the effort to check out the actual thing happening in UK and I deserve the marks that I would give myself... For all the effort...

I kept on praying to Him, asking him to give me a blessed birthday present and I could not afford to fail any one of my subject... I never stay in a grade twice, never in my primary and secondary school life, and I couldn't and shouldn't stay in this stage... What would that make my parents be? My parents had gave me lots of freedom and they have gave me lots of courage and encouragement words... They BELIEVED in me...There are also people who are still disbelief of what I am pursuing... And I'm even starting to like what I'm studying, dreaming and imagining what would I be in 5 years time... That's too much to lose if I failed here... I know myself well, I WOULD be discourage now if my result doesn't satisfy me...

I know and understands that human are the same. They are never grateful and satisfy with the things they had in current times. Even though now I'm asking for a passing grade, but when I got my result I would say things like, "How I wish my grade would be higher than this..." For now, I honestly hope to pass all my subject and I can pursue to Year 2... I have higher expectation for my Criminal since I spent too many time on it and I've wrote lots of stuff that ought to give me a grade greater than just passing... My UKT friend, Shy Yuin has texted me that she has passed all of her subjects and I congratulated her... She wished me the best too... If she could do it, I could too... How am I supposed to bear with the stress if I was supposed to stay back a year? I would become Claimant's classmate instead of his senior... I don't want this to happen and I couldn't let it happen!!!

(deep breath)

#2 Sorry for the overflown emotions... Anyway, we also had CMCCKL funfair and eveything worked out fine... Only that the coconuts we prepared were badly injured and every one of them were burst... We never thought that coconut could burst, well at least it shown us that it could... Uncle Lawrence was my TOP NO1 customer and he easily has spent more that RM500 in our stall... Haha >0< And I have somehow knows him more... To cut things short, it was ok and we exceed our expectation...
Blessed be the name of the Lord!!!!!!!

#3 Not long after the funfair we went to Malacca where I received the most shocking news... A girl in my church, Danielle was drowned in a swimming pool and I cried... It seem to just happen yesterday... I asked God why would He take away a 5 year old child? Her life has yet to begin and it was now declared ended? How possible is that?  Mummy comforted me by saying that everything happen for a reason... It is noticable that the parents may have been less attentive, allowing the child to run up and down without their supervision... I know this would be a heartbreak to the parents who lost the child and to many others who knew this kiddo. But isn't this outcome too grave to bear? Couldn't He gave them some sign or warning before taking this action? I would ask God about this if ever I could make it to heaven...

Our last memory with her was when I was teching her and her sister our Fathers' Day song and how I make use of their competitive nature so that they'll remember the lyrics and rhythms... And as I expected, they were singing as loud as they could to win the other... Hah >0< Couldn't believe I won't see her again and her sister seems to be more quiet than before... All I hope that there is a good reason behind all of this and the family could get through all of this together...

I've read a book title "Purpose of Life" and the author wrote that everyone came to the earth to serve a purpose and everything we do, if we do it for the Lord, we are serving God. What could then a 5 year old purpose be? My sister told me that there may be people who lived a long life and yet have not accomplish anything in life and there may be also people who didn't live that long but accomplished it. What they accomplished is not an answer any human could give, and I was stunned after hearing this. I'm 19+ and what may I have accomplished? Have I motivated anyone or have I shown God's work and mercy to the people around me through me? Have I touched anyone's heart and make them to believe and surrender all of them to Him? Have I did something that made God proud? Once? Twice? Am I still making God proud?

They always says HAVE FAITH IN GOD, but we always forget this when we are in the downhill of our life. We tend to find our own ways and solve the problem we are facing now on our own... When we got through it, we thought all credits should be given to ourselves... We often forget that what we have, who we are, were given by God and He is always working behind, quietly, striking at the right moment... I know it is difficult but I will try my best to show the people around me that it is ok to uphold everything to God and leave it all to Him and He would not forsake and turned his back on us...

(deep breath again...)

#4 I've went out with Victoria, Bee Kee and Lily in Time Square and we had lots of fun. I'm glad that Lily understands what I'm struggling with Vianne and glad that she's on my side... It really does felt great having someone keeping my back... Anyway, I would definitely hang out with them more often and I hope I can discover more friends that I would be comfortable with and we can talk everything without holding back anything... We could share secrets and keep the secrets together...

Well, these are the summary of my life for the past 6 months and hope more great things would happen soon...